Dick hands effect,
No not the dick effect, we don't care about how optimizing the timing sequence in an optical lattice clock can decrease the stability of degradation of the operation of the optical laser by the frequency noise of the interrogation laser. This is something more sinister and serious to the well-being and quality of human life as we know it. It should be outlawed. The following is why NOT washing your hands after using a public restroom should be illegal.
My story begins like any other normal day. You take the time to shower and wash the sleep from your body to begin your journey you start your day. Sometime during the course if the day you feed the need to release urine from your body. And that's when the real trouble begins. When you go to the bathroom, you hold your junk. Boom. Dick on your hand. Most of the time, without knowing, you use the same hand to flush the urinal. Boom. Dick on the handle. Then, if by some miracle you remember, you use your other non-contaminated hand you turn on the faucet. However, this is usually also not the case. Boom. Dick on the faucet handle. You then proceed to wet your hands for the soap dispense part. Boom. Dick on the soap dispenser. Then after you wash your hands free of dick particles, you turn off the faucet that, in turn redistributes dick on your hand. You then walk to the door and grab the handle that 57% of the guys that pissed in that public toilet failed to wash their hands, and that every employee that has the lowdown job to clean the restrooms, fail to clean the handles of the exit door, thus redistributing dick on your hand once more. So, by visiting the public restroom, you've managed to get some form of dick on your hands from every guy that used that restroom, EVER!
So your deed of going to the bathroom is done and free of your mind until you have the urge again. You continue on with your day. You shake hands with colleagues and acquaintances that will spread the joy to all they encounter. Boom. Dick hands. Sometime during the course of the day you might give a pat on the back or on the shoulder. Boom. Dick shoulder. That person ends up going home to their spouse or boy/girlfriend. Ending up putting their head on their shoulder. Boom. Dick face. Their spouse gives them a kiss. Boom. Dick lips. Gives the baby a kiss. Boom. Baby has dick face, and putting a dick near any child’s face is illegal. Mind you, this story is about men. You'll have to read the chapter on puss palm to get the female side. Though it ends the same so I'll save you the trouble if you thought this dragged on.